another segment,,,

journal Entry 3rd September 2011


Well at last something dramatic has happened, just a shame I think I’m gonna die. All the horrible, poor quality gear I’ve been so proud of shooting lately seems to have had an unforeseen effect. I noticed yesterday that I had a small blister on my left wrist. I woke up drunk and drank again and presumed I’d burned it with a cigarette as a couldn’t remember injecting there. It quickly burst and became a small sore. Jackie came round, more booze, another hit and I thought no more about it. About an hour ago I felt it kinda itchy and hot and found another, larger blister. An article about drug addicts in Glasgow dying of a ‘flesh eating’ disease flashed into my mind. I immediately panicked and typed ‘intravenous drug related blisters and sores’ into Google. There were a couple of diagnosis‘, one, a side effect of HIV, oh god oh god, the other was a less frightening but still very uncool option of generally being in terrible health and using drugs cut with all kindsa crap. I know the gear we’ve been taking has been extremely dodgy, congealing… god knows what it’s been cut with. My stomach is churning as I write. The words of Thoth echo in my mind “If you take drugs again they’ll kill you!” the full horror of what I’ve been doing comes rushing at me like a high speed train. Jesus Christ am I so fuckin’ stupid that just coz I go lovesick for some girl that I’m gonna go through the whole junkie trip again? Smoking a bit of dope this morning probably didn’t help. Surely it’s not gonna kill me but through all the years of injecting crap into myself several times a day nothing like this has ever happened. I ran up to the doctor, which is luckily very near and made an emergency appointment. Suddenly I don’t feel wild and indestructible but scared as shit. I’ve always had disgust and fear about infections and all the terrifying stuff you hear happening to junkies. I’ve got the doctor at 4pm, it’s 3.17pm…